I have been wanting to write a blog post unrelated to fashion for a while now. I’m not the type of person to really talk about or write about my feelings, but this post is long overdue. I had to for myself.
This year has been the biggest year of changes for me as a person. I have grown so much and learnt so many things about myself. That is not to say that I am where I’ve always wanted to be and that I’ve achieved everything I have wanted to in life, but I know where I’m headed and I know that I can do it.
First, I would like to start with the physical changes I have made. This year I’ve decided to make drastic changes in how I dress. That is not to say that I’m no longer modest and I don’t relate to the hijabi lifestyle anymore, but I have decided for myself that it was time to change for myself. I have had a lot of things I’ve had to deal with because of my decision, but honestly, the people who matter accept me for who I am regardless and I’m learning to embrace myself as well. Personally speaking, I am a firm believer in a God who is forgiving and One who knows our weaknesses and strengths. He knows we are imperfect and we sin, but still forgives us for our shortcomings.
Secondly, I have worked hard this year to lose a lot of weight. Without getting into details, I was not happy with how I looked or felt physically. I’ve always tried to eat “healthy” and done plenty of “diets” in my whole lifetime. I’ve always been overweight and slightly along the chubby side of things. I have always tried to slim down and given up when I did not see results as quickly as I wanted to.
This year, in March, I decided enough was enough and I needed to literally “get my shit together”. It is not to say that I woke up one day and started to go all crazy and was super healthy overnight. It took a long time and it was a major process. I slowly cut out carbs, sugar, and did my own diet. I tried to the best of my capabilities. I had some really good weeks where I would constantly eat healthy and had some really bad ones when all went to shit. But, the key was that I never gave up.
What helped me even more through this process was working out. I was not working for a while and spent most of my summer working out one to two times daily and walked every day to every other day outside in my neighbourhood. I got better with time and my energy levels went up drastically. Other small changes I have done are drinking more water, reducing levels of caffeine, and a good sleeping schedule.
I have come a long way so far, but I still have a long way to go, but I know I will get there some day. Also, this year I took some time off and quit work to obviously focus on my health and well being. Working out made me emotionally stronger as well and I have been learning to be more positive and feed myself positive thoughts even when things are hard. I have always been so hard on myself growing up and I have never taken time off to focus on myself and really got to know who I am before. I went from High School to straight University and even before I graduated I started working full time at an office for a year after.
Without saying, this year off was more than necessary for me as a person and it made me realize how we are always constantly chasing things. We are chasing good grades, good job, that promotion, that significant other, that new thing, but end of the day we are just stressing ourselves out. It was important for me to relax and understand that I was not in a race against anyone else or myself. I did not need to pressure myself so much and be so hard on myself throughout the years. I am my own person, I have my own goals, I have my own problems, they are my own. To rush myself and to be constantly pursuing things just drained me emotionally and physically.
Lastly, (this sounds a lot like my UofT essays TBH LOL) I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future. I don’t know where my life is going to lead me. I do definitely have goals set for myself and I’m constantly changing and working towards them, but I have learnt that it’s okay to not have my shit figured out all the time. I’m not perfect, I’m human, and I have many shortcomings, but I’m also strong, determined, and a fighter. I will never give up no matter what my circumstances. Enough of this for now, I think my birthday approaching soon made me realize that I had a big year and I needed to write it down. Till next post, peace! 🙂